This past week I've been really having a hard time missing family and friends, counting down the days almost every day and disappointed when time doesn't seem to pass as quickly as I want it to. I got a few emails from friends speaking to this without really knowing it, suggesting that I take time to really get alone with Jesus and allow Him to fulfill my needs, especially when I'm feeling lonely even in the midst of loads of people.
So I did. Yesterday I took a day off with Jesus. I spent time intentionally with Him doing some of my favorite things as I wanted Him to be a part of it...a long bath, some awesome worship music, time with a friend, watching an inspirational and God-revealing movie, and then just being with Him. I even got work done faster than I imagined and got to be early and had a restful night sleep.
The realization hit me that Jesus just wants to be with us. He doesn't need big plans and fanfare, but He still comes through that and hangs with us. He doesn't have to have minute by minute plans, but will come and chill despite our schedule's busyness. I realized that like a friend that is closer than a brother, and a man that wants to be a lover, He is completely captivated by us and desperate for our time. He is willing to sit and wait for us to get a clue and turn around or open the door and say, "Come in." I woke up this morning and realized that I am just a girl, and He's just the man to knock on the door of my heart and once opened, will love me like I've never been loved or ever will be loved. He has no agenda and no list of things needing to be done. He just wants to love me. Why do I make it so hard?
I'm working on it...the getting all up in it with Him and leaving everything else alone...
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
the way to live...
I love getting those emails in the morning that remind you of what is most important: relationships! From talking to my bestee on the phone to receiving an email from a longtime missing friend...I am reminded of how important we are to each other! I want to take a moment to thank you for your friendship and love and support! You are loved! Each and every one of you that supports me, thinks about me, prays for me, sends money, sends care packages...all of you are here with me in this adventure and you will be receiving rewards in Heaven for your part! From being here first hand, the jewels will be incredible as the spirit is pervasive and changing me from the inside out!!
Just a short reminder of the way to live...
Life is short! (and time moves too fast...only like 16 weeks till I come home)
Break the rules! (when I read this, I think of the WAR OF ART and giving Resistance a good shove in the booty or a kick in the face...let's pursue the higher places whether that be a new job, an artistic expression we've let sit too long, or whatever else we've let get too comfy)
Forgive quickly! (no other way to live)
Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably.. (absolutely no other way to live, as I was on the phone with beth this am and was told several times to laugh a little quieter...oh the times we'll have when I get back!!!)
And never regret anything that made you smile. (a little harder, but forces us to be and to really BE in each moment to fully live it!!!)
On a Monday morning, I'm thinking it's a good time to re-energize and not dread the entire day with a "case of the Mondays," but let's live each day to the fullest...SEIZE THIS DAY!!! Love you all so much! Miss your smiles and hugs, but see you soon!
Just a short reminder of the way to live...
Life is short! (and time moves too fast...only like 16 weeks till I come home)
Break the rules! (when I read this, I think of the WAR OF ART and giving Resistance a good shove in the booty or a kick in the face...let's pursue the higher places whether that be a new job, an artistic expression we've let sit too long, or whatever else we've let get too comfy)
Forgive quickly! (no other way to live)
Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably.. (absolutely no other way to live, as I was on the phone with beth this am and was told several times to laugh a little quieter...oh the times we'll have when I get back!!!)
And never regret anything that made you smile. (a little harder, but forces us to be and to really BE in each moment to fully live it!!!)
On a Monday morning, I'm thinking it's a good time to re-energize and not dread the entire day with a "case of the Mondays," but let's live each day to the fullest...SEIZE THIS DAY!!! Love you all so much! Miss your smiles and hugs, but see you soon!
Monday, February 11, 2008
One hot American...
It's not every day this event occurs and I think it might only happen in Asian countries, and specifically in Thailand...here's the story:
I was meeting my friend, Kyndra, for coffee. Since it was the first coffee since my fast was over, I didn't want to order something too sugary but I wanted to taste the coffee, which here is sometimes a challenge with the amount of sweetened condensed milk they add to every drink. So Kyndra ordered a latte first with soy milk, then I ordered an americano. The lady then repeated back our order, "One latta soy and, um do you want it hot or cold?"
I said, "Hot, please."
She said, "Okay, one latta soy and one hot american."
I said, "What? I didn't know you could order hot americans here...yes, I want one of those!!"
Needless to say it was the best hot american I've ever had here and definitely the best hot americano!!! HAHA!! Oh language differences...they make the world a happier place!
I was meeting my friend, Kyndra, for coffee. Since it was the first coffee since my fast was over, I didn't want to order something too sugary but I wanted to taste the coffee, which here is sometimes a challenge with the amount of sweetened condensed milk they add to every drink. So Kyndra ordered a latte first with soy milk, then I ordered an americano. The lady then repeated back our order, "One latta soy and, um do you want it hot or cold?"
I said, "Hot, please."
She said, "Okay, one latta soy and one hot american."
I said, "What? I didn't know you could order hot americans here...yes, I want one of those!!"
Needless to say it was the best hot american I've ever had here and definitely the best hot americano!!! HAHA!! Oh language differences...they make the world a happier place!
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Revelation and the future...
Family and friends: those who support in finances and prayer...all who love me and whom I love so much and miss in ridiculous amounts...I cannot believe it is already February and I only have 3 more months to go before I start heading home the second week of June...
So let me catch you up on what's new with me...
I finished the 20 day fast and had such a crazy time of revelation. One week before I finished it, I was hanging out with a girlfriend here, who was telling me her story about how God called her into permanent missionary work here. I felt God pulling on my heart, but wasn't quite sure what that meant, and I thought, "No way. I'm not staying here."
As we got home, I put it out of my mind. A couple of YWAM girls were over and were doing worship. We began worshiping and singing about God's love. I'm on that like white on rice! (thanks Jon V. for that) As we were singing, I began to cry as I felt the Lord again touching my heart and asking me, "Do you trust me? Do you really trust me?" I said, "Lord I love you, isn't that enough?" He said, "Do you trust me? Do you trust that if I asked you to stay longer, it would be the best for you?" I started crying and I mean tears pouring out of me like a flooded rice field in monsoon season. I laid down on the hard concrete floor of my cement house and cried for about 30 minutes knowing what God was doing...loving on my heart until I gave way. And after that 30 minutes I couldn't say no...I mean when He shows up like that...I couldn't refuse Him.
So I journaled about it saying, "Okay God, if you call me here for longer or permanently, you will have to help me walk it out because i miss home like crazy. I started thinking about it and praying about it...I voraciously read books about God's purposes to see if He ever changed His mind...asked a few friends and got all negative answers...though I knew that God did with Abraham and Isaac, so I was hoping for the best!!
Then last Thursday after waking up, I remembered a dream I had really clearly...I was leading worship from the guitar in a room full of youth. I woke up thinking, "I need to learn how to play guitar," so I started practicing the four chords I know: G, D, Emin, and C. I will take lessons starting in the next month or so. I prayed that if this was indeed the case that I was going back to the states, I wanted to find a seminary in Colorado and also not be needed here. These two were my sincere prayers asking the Lord to bless this and open doors for me that would be obvious.
The same day, the curriculum chair came to me with next year's adoptions and showed them to me...she said basically that knowing I hadn't been planning on staying, they adopted a curriculum for a non-trained English teacher to use. I am responsible to write literature curriculum before I leave, but then they would be completely set up for next year. I WAS LIKE FOR REAL...it was that easy???
Then looking online I found Fuller Seminary in California that JUST HAPPENED TO HAVE A SATELLITE BRANCH IN COLORADO SPRINGS. You might ask: Seminary?? I don't necessarily need an additional Masters as I have one in Secondary Education, but I want to be fully prepared and equipped to lead youth and be a mentor, having all the necessary skills in Biblical Studies and how to share honestly with students and parents about life and being a teenager. So I'm applying there to get a certificate in youth ministry with a specialization in Young Life to enable me to possible intern with Young Life, a ministry to students in schools, and possibly assist with youth at church and work at Starbucks to support myself and pay living expenses.
Since this just happened this week, I am walking this out prayerfully, but have such peace it is hard not to put the cart before the horse. I am praying for an open door for ministry both in church and also in public schools, also for provision, but I am completely confident that the Lord will provide for all my needs (car/truck/motorcycle, place to live, part time job, etc) as my peace is beyond understanding and my heart is beating so fast as I type this.
I also learned how to ride a motorbike this week. I faced my fears after having a dream about riding a motorbike. It is something the Lord is teaching me about facing fears and that once I get up to them, they aren't so bad after all, as with most things I fearl. I am really enjoying the wind blowing in my hair and the freedom it brings in enabling me to get out and do whatever - like grocery shopping, going to get coffee with friends, and SO MUCH MORE!!!
Just an update on funds...I am still seeking enough to get home, but I will let you know as the flight plans have changed and with it the expenses. I'm estimating around $1500 instead of $2000. And there is still a shortage of $200 per month for the last five months, which so far God has provided in January.
Blog site is: http://www.Iam4thai.com.
This is the address where you will send support to:
Joy to the World Foundation
4570 Hilton Parkway, Suite 203
Colorado Springs, CO 80907
Iam4Thai - project name
My address in Thailand for letters and such is:
Stefanie Hallman
P.O. Box 48
Baan Duu Post Office
Chiang Rai, Thailand 57100
I am so appreciative of those who have been supporting in donations and prayer as well, because it has been a life-changing six months already and I am confident there is much more for me to get while here.
I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!
Stefanie
So let me catch you up on what's new with me...
I finished the 20 day fast and had such a crazy time of revelation. One week before I finished it, I was hanging out with a girlfriend here, who was telling me her story about how God called her into permanent missionary work here. I felt God pulling on my heart, but wasn't quite sure what that meant, and I thought, "No way. I'm not staying here."
As we got home, I put it out of my mind. A couple of YWAM girls were over and were doing worship. We began worshiping and singing about God's love. I'm on that like white on rice! (thanks Jon V. for that) As we were singing, I began to cry as I felt the Lord again touching my heart and asking me, "Do you trust me? Do you really trust me?" I said, "Lord I love you, isn't that enough?" He said, "Do you trust me? Do you trust that if I asked you to stay longer, it would be the best for you?" I started crying and I mean tears pouring out of me like a flooded rice field in monsoon season. I laid down on the hard concrete floor of my cement house and cried for about 30 minutes knowing what God was doing...loving on my heart until I gave way. And after that 30 minutes I couldn't say no...I mean when He shows up like that...I couldn't refuse Him.
So I journaled about it saying, "Okay God, if you call me here for longer or permanently, you will have to help me walk it out because i miss home like crazy. I started thinking about it and praying about it...I voraciously read books about God's purposes to see if He ever changed His mind...asked a few friends and got all negative answers...though I knew that God did with Abraham and Isaac, so I was hoping for the best!!
Then last Thursday after waking up, I remembered a dream I had really clearly...I was leading worship from the guitar in a room full of youth. I woke up thinking, "I need to learn how to play guitar," so I started practicing the four chords I know: G, D, Emin, and C. I will take lessons starting in the next month or so. I prayed that if this was indeed the case that I was going back to the states, I wanted to find a seminary in Colorado and also not be needed here. These two were my sincere prayers asking the Lord to bless this and open doors for me that would be obvious.
The same day, the curriculum chair came to me with next year's adoptions and showed them to me...she said basically that knowing I hadn't been planning on staying, they adopted a curriculum for a non-trained English teacher to use. I am responsible to write literature curriculum before I leave, but then they would be completely set up for next year. I WAS LIKE FOR REAL...it was that easy???
Then looking online I found Fuller Seminary in California that JUST HAPPENED TO HAVE A SATELLITE BRANCH IN COLORADO SPRINGS. You might ask: Seminary?? I don't necessarily need an additional Masters as I have one in Secondary Education, but I want to be fully prepared and equipped to lead youth and be a mentor, having all the necessary skills in Biblical Studies and how to share honestly with students and parents about life and being a teenager. So I'm applying there to get a certificate in youth ministry with a specialization in Young Life to enable me to possible intern with Young Life, a ministry to students in schools, and possibly assist with youth at church and work at Starbucks to support myself and pay living expenses.
Since this just happened this week, I am walking this out prayerfully, but have such peace it is hard not to put the cart before the horse. I am praying for an open door for ministry both in church and also in public schools, also for provision, but I am completely confident that the Lord will provide for all my needs (car/truck/motorcycle, place to live, part time job, etc) as my peace is beyond understanding and my heart is beating so fast as I type this.
I also learned how to ride a motorbike this week. I faced my fears after having a dream about riding a motorbike. It is something the Lord is teaching me about facing fears and that once I get up to them, they aren't so bad after all, as with most things I fearl. I am really enjoying the wind blowing in my hair and the freedom it brings in enabling me to get out and do whatever - like grocery shopping, going to get coffee with friends, and SO MUCH MORE!!!
Just an update on funds...I am still seeking enough to get home, but I will let you know as the flight plans have changed and with it the expenses. I'm estimating around $1500 instead of $2000. And there is still a shortage of $200 per month for the last five months, which so far God has provided in January.
Blog site is: http://www.Iam4thai.com.
This is the address where you will send support to:
Joy to the World Foundation
4570 Hilton Parkway, Suite 203
Colorado Springs, CO 80907
Iam4Thai - project name
My address in Thailand for letters and such is:
Stefanie Hallman
P.O. Box 48
Baan Duu Post Office
Chiang Rai, Thailand 57100
I am so appreciative of those who have been supporting in donations and prayer as well, because it has been a life-changing six months already and I am confident there is much more for me to get while here.
I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!
Stefanie
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