Let's set a watch...together!!

OK...I know that I am not the only one who wants to get free from sin...

SO, I'm suggesting we all work together. No, I don't mean, let's all put our sins on the web or something like that. But if we are a community, we can together set a watch for each other and pray for each other, interceding for each other, and being vigilant for each other.

"Nevertheless we made our prayer to our God, and because of them we set a watch against them day and night" (Nehemiah 4:9)

I do think there is something to exposing sin and bringing it into the light, so that it no longer lives in the shady places in our heart or lives. So I'm asking for your prayers as I seek to get out from under the sin of gluttony which has too long stolen my peace and joy. I am working to make the healthiest of choices for my life in regards to eating right and exercising. But it is a battle for me as this place in my life has forever as long as I have known it to be in the camp of my enemy.

NO LONGER...I am keeping vigilant watch over it and over my heart, and want whomever of you who wants to be in a watch together to join with me...

just let me know by email or response to this blog...

LOVE YOU ALL!!! if you want me in your watch, I'm here for that too!!!

Lovers' Leap...

At youth group Tuesday night, we played a game called Lovers' Leap where you walk in a circle and then someone yells "lovers leap (where one person jumps into another's arms), three to a boat (group of 3 and rowing), family of 4 (group of 4 posing) or hit the deck (where everyone falls to the floor)." It was a blast! Then we had worship led by a 15 year old high school girl, who is amazing and the gift of worship leading in her blows my grid!!! After I was up to talk and had this great talk and activity planned to help kids find their giftings.

However, during worship, I kept feeling like it wasn't that great after all, and I thought it might just be me doubting and the enemy attacking. I was ignoring it, but the feeling kept coming back. So I said, "Well, if that's not it for tonight, what is?" Then I heard, "Take the Lover's leap." I laughed inside and said, "Whatever." But then a sweet voice spoke saying, "Tell them what you are going through right now, this very day." "No way, I don't even know what I'm going through and how to solve it, let alone sharing my heart with 20 or so teenagers and a few people I don't even know...nope, not doing that. Plus I have that sweet thing already planned." But I couldn't fight it, so I tried as best to organize my thoughts and took the leap.

What came out felt to me like a donkey attempting to perform Shakespeare, but what the kids got was SUH-WEET!!! So in a more organized fashion, let me share with you what's been going on in my heart these past few days as I have been adjusting and re-adjusting to Thailand and living as a missionary...

I've realized that I don't trust God enough and I don't focus on Him enough in my day to day activities, which keep me ridiculously busy. Through a series of several devotions throughout the past few days, I've found a few commonalities...focusing on Jesus to get free from sin and to have life and life abundant, that if I don't focus on Jesus I will hold onto things that are not meant for me to keep, and if I look only at Him, I can totally encounter Him each day.

In C.S. Lewis' "The Weight of Glory," he says, "We are half-hearted creatures fooling about with drink and sex and ambition [and religious effort] when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea...we are far too easily pleased." As I shared this with a friend, she told me the story of a young girl who had a nice set of plastic pearls that were given her by her father. She wore them every day and they were definitely a treasure. One day before her father was going away on a journey, he asked her for the pearls and said he would bring her back something better. She had a choice to trust that he was good or keep the plastic ones that she had in her hand. Because of her past experiences, she knew her father to be good, so she gave them up willingly and got a sweet set of real and priceless pearls in exchange upon her father's return. It hit me as she told me this that I don't trust God enough that if I give up something like my future happiness or getting married one day that he will be good to me and give me something better than what I think is currently the best and is in my hand.

So I went deeper, which revealed that as a young girl, I gave up a lot, hoping to get something in return from my dad...promised a horse way too many times, promises made but almost always broken...trust given, but returned void...a hopeful girl's heart looking to be noticed, but ignored and feeling mocked. (I have forgiven my dad for this, but as each memory surfaces, more forgiveness is doled out on a loving but broken man whom I still dearly love). My relationship with my earthly dad reveals so much to me about my relationship with my heavenly Dad, however is no longer limited by that as my Heavenly Dad keeps revealing His sweet and loving heart to me, which in turn heals the brokenness left by my earthly dad.

The next day I got this email devotional of Henri Nouwen, and his last line said, "I will look expectantly towards God and in the waiting will encounter Him." It hit me finally how it all fits together...the focusing on Jesus, the trusting God to be good to me, the giving up what is in my hand for what is to come...

After speaking on all this, I totally felt like I fumbled through it but then we started praying for each other. I can only speak for my group of girls, but it was a SWEET time with Him. It opened the door for teens to talk about disappointment with God, which some never admit to but definitely have in their hearts. It opened the door for Jesus to come in and love on each of us. Afterwards, almost everyone there came up to me and said thanks for sharing what's really going on...not holding back...admitting to not having the answers...

Surprise, surprise, I don't have all the answers, but I'm willing to be His fool as I keep my eyes fixed on Him, who is the author and perfecter of my faith, who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, scorned its shame and sat down at the right hand of the Father.

Since taking the leap, it's been all good...

Just another day in Thailand...

A wee quick adventure tale from across the big blue...my roommate, Jessica, is now renting a car, called The Champ, and so we all three, Jess, Damaris, and I, went on our first car adventure to the Huay Mae Sai Waterfall, probably about 20 km away from our house. We all brought books to read, water to drink (as there is a hike prior to taking in the beauty of the waterfall), a snack, and our cameras to take snapshots.



We drive there pretty quickly, following the signs that are thankfully in English. The hike isn't too bad, and we are sitting quietly reading our books when a couple of Europeans come hiking up and take off their clothes and begin swimming in the waterfall (thankfully they had swimsuits on), then four thai boys probably between the ages of 15 and 20 do the same but without swimsuits...only boxers or tighty whities. They slid off the rocks into the water, they dove off the rocks into the water, and splashed about together while we were trying to read. It was a surreal experience.

Then we hiked down and started our drive home, but Damaris had this great idea to follow this one random sign to see if it would take us home quicker. I was hesitant, but up for an adventure. Jessica quickly drove off onto this dirt road and we were off for a 30 minute dirt road extravaganza which involved bushes and trees poking in the window at me, somewhat ruined roads by torrential rains, and coming to the end of what was not a quicker route home. Jessica turned the car around which involved Damaris getting out to help and then me getting out to push the car back over a ridge once Jessica went a little too far. All in all, a grand dirt road adventure.

Finally, we got back to the cement roads of civilization, made our way home, and are enjoying a nice slice of apple pie left over from Thanksgiving dinner and a cup of green tea. In an hour, we are getting dressed, heading downtown to the night bazaar to do some christmas shopping and getting some lebanese food for dinner.

just another day in Thailand...

What I am thankful for...

The day after Thanksgiving in Thailand with an absolutely incredibly loving family of missionary friends, singles, and families...I am thinking of ALL the things I have to be thankful for...here is a short list and not in order, just as I think of them -
I am thankful for...family (whether near or far, blood or friends adopted in), love that has no boundaries both from my sweet Abba and from those who are around me that pour it on me revealing the great Father's love, being content in the hardest of places because of God's grace, being forgiven and given new mercies each day, delicious food shared with new friends, a day when we can say what we are thankful for, my family in Texas and Colorado, mountains and beauty which reveals Abba's face and nature, birds chirping, fans blowing cool air, rains that come and ease the heat during the "cool" season, coffee, $2 haircuts, journaling, internet that allows connection even across so great a distance, the Father's great love for me to bring me here and hold me as I squirm and fight because He knows what is ahead and wants me to get it, and so much more.

I want you all to know how much I love you and am thankful for you. Especially for those who are partnering with me now or will in the days to come as I am blessed to have this opportunity to serve the Lord in a country such as Thailand. I am not aware of all that is happening as my mind is finite and easily distracted...but I do know that God is good and He is at work. So thank you!!!! Blessings on you as you celebrate with your families!!!

back in Thailand...

Back in Thailand as of midnight last night after a 3 hour flight from Denver to Seattle, a 13 hour flight from Seattle to Tokyo and a 4 hour flight from Tokyo to Bangkok. I am hanging out with some friends of friends in Bangkok until Tuesday night. Then back to Chiang Rai right before the Thanksgiving holiday break.

Thoughts on my trip to the states - it was a wonderful time of family, which I so desperately needed. I had a great time with my mom and my sister and nephews in Texas. Hung out with a couple of friends there, and shared how good God is to have brought me here to get intimate with me. Then moved on to Colorado where I helped my best friends, Beth and Paul, get hitched in a 12 minute ceremony that started with cheering and ended with cheering. What a celebration!!! When we wait for God's best, we get to see exactly how good He is to us!!! The week after the wedding I got to spend time with family and friends in Colorado, which was incredible as well. I realized in all that time that I am not a long term missionary type. My heart aches for being with family and friends and has a hard time being so far away. So with that understanding, I am coming back to finish up this year and will be traveling a bit in June to Scotland to see friends and then home to the states.

What you can pray for me about is...the next 7 months. I've realized that my shtick is not teaching, but that I LOVE LOVE LOVE being with teenagers and hanging out and talking through stuff, which is what I am pursuing as much of as I can out here in Thailand...working with teens at school, helping with their dramatic presentation of Little Women, leading in youth group, and mentoring worship leaders. That is what I'm about while here.

Pray that I dig in and get all that I need to out of this next seven months as I am already missing family and friends. Part of that is definitely a huge lack of sleep and delirium which comes from traveling so far and skipping through a day as I came. Part of that also is just the emotional place I am in with the Lord...when you have to rely on Him like I am learning how to, everything is emotional and relates to my trust in Him. So keep me in your prayers.

I also need additional funds for traveling home, which I know the Lord will provide. If you feel like you want to be a part, the address for sending funds is on the right - Joy to the World Foundation. I will also need to save some money back for when I return to the states to start anew, since I sold everything to come here. But again, I am completely trusting God as He sent me here, He will provide for all my needs.

Thank you for supporting me with your prayers and your thoughts. For those of you who read this, that means everything in the world.

I realized while in Colorado, and while talking to Laura-lee, a good friend, that it is not the big things in life but the small that have the potential to kill you. Like it says in scripture, if we aren't faithful in the small things, we won't be blessed with more. I am encouraged to be faithful in the small - like returning to finish my term, plugging into the teenagers here, and doing what God has called me to do for this season. All so that if a big lizard bites me and then a small lizard bites me, I won't die.