SAWAT DII PII MAE!!!

Just a little note to say, "SAWAT DII PII MAE!!!" Happy New Year!! It is 2 hours into 2008, and it looks to be a fabulous year.

My wish for you is "to be able to look backward and say, 'This has been the finest year of my life' -- that is glorious! But anticipation! To be able to look ahead and say, 'The present year can and shall be better!' -- that is more glorious!" (Brother Lawrence's Practicing His Presence)

2007 sure was a good year. Through heart failure recovery and losing one's job and moving halfway across the world and truly learning complete dependence on God, it has been so far the finest year of my life...looking forward to this year which can and shall be better!!

Pics of New Year party with a soccer ball wrapped in Christmas lights dropped slowly from our shower curtain rod in the living room as we counted down and then hugged and ran outside to see fireworks as I yelled at the top of my lungs, "Sawat dii pii mae Thailand. Kop khun kha Chiang Rai." Happy New Year Thailand. Thank you Chiang Rai!! And it was 2008...

Christmas in Thailand

It is December 26th, the day after Christmas. I am sitting in my living room in my pajamas with my very Thai Christmas tree lit up and blinking while watching movies that I received for Christmas: Bridget Jones 1 & 2, Pride and Prejudice, and maybe even a little Meet Me in St. Louis (which I already watched on Christmas Eve, but LOVE SO MUCH!!). You might be asking what makes a Thai Christmas tree...well, with the limited selection of decorations here, we have six totally varied colored and width and designed tinsels on the tree, brightly and randomly blinking red, yellow, green and blue lights, little presents wrapped in red, blue, green and gold shiny paper, and a dull gold star on the top. When there is little to choose from, you make do.

I have had a pretty good two days starting Christmas Eve day with having a friend, Cece, over for the day. We watched movies and ate popcorn, then got dressed for a fantastic dinner at the Ducit, a resort in town. It was a special buffet for the ferongs in Chiang Rai, and everyone was dressed up in their very best. We had a huge table of friends from the school I teach at, almost 25 people and many more from the community but we didn't get to sit with them all. As everyone got up to start getting food, many headed to the salad bar and to the fruit table. Cece, Jo (another girlfriend from school), and I headed smartly to the dessert table. I say if you are going to eat amazing food, start with what is best...dessert!! AND IT WAS AMAZING!!! There were 10 different cakes and dessert pies...an incredible and most wonderful chocolate fondue fountain with strawberries to dip in it...individual chocolate mousse servings in mini martini glasses...then I had some carrots and peas and pork braised in a strawberry chutney sauce which was like a beach party in your mouth!! While eating, a Thai Santa Claus walked through the crowd handing out presents to the kids. You've never seen Santa till you've seen the Thai version...shorter, not so fat, and no white beard...it was crazy!! For Christmas Eve, the food was divine and the fellowship was good too.

Woke up the morning of Christmas, called my sister and Mom, skyped friends spread all throughout the world from Colorado to Australia...then got dressed in my one Christmas t-shirt, jeans, and a green sweatshirt to take along in case it got cold. Quickly I prepared my stuff to take along to the Penningtons and Tubbs, who had invited me to come along to their family celebration. These were my friends from Texas, whom I love very much and am so glad to have here as family. I rode my bike over to their house and dinner began at like 2pm. We had more roasted pork in a barbecue sauce, sour cream and cream cheese mashed potatoes, a salad made with strawberries, mozzarella cheese, peanuts and a sweet homemade dressing, and so much more. IT WAS A SPLENDID DAY, considering I wasn't with my family or friends.

Overall, the holidays were alright...I think being away has changed me and changed the ways that I celebrate the holidays. It was a simple and peaceful time with not having so much to do in so little time. I want to be intentional about life in general as I don't want to ever fill up my schedule just out of obligation, but I want to choose carefully all that I do with time, money, etc. I've realized some very important parts of Christmas that are pertinent to any celebration - being with loved ones, spending quality time with those closest to you, being in the moment which allowed me to celebrate Jesus' birth and gift of life that has never been more a part of Christmas than this year when I've been seeking Him as the sole support of my daily moments. Though many tears (and I mean many) were shed throughout the past week, I wouldn't trade missing out the family and friends for meeting Jesus more intimately, in addition to the memories I have made here which are priceless and forever a part of me: the me right here, right now.

May this holiday season continue to reveal the peace of Christ to you and yours...

** The peace sign is an Asian thing, when taking pictures, the fingers go up...I'm working on it, because it doesn't look totally natural yet, but very soon...

Trust...in my words and a few others

If I could sum up my experiences in Thailand so far, it would be in that one word: TRUST. I am learning to trust Jesus with everything, especially the areas that I've held onto for probably a bit too long like weight and finances. Being a missionary, I assumed would not require as much trust as I had raised the right amount of money before I left the states, but God had other ideas. I have had a few sponsors unable to send funding, and all for absolutely justified reasons, but it's not them not sending the money, it's that God is asking me to trust Him. My plan has failed, and He's lovingly wooing me to trust Him and His plan.

One scripture I've been meditating on is: Acts 20:24 - "But my life is worth nothing unless I use it for doing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus - the work of telling others the Good News about God's wonderful kindness and love." So I press onward...deeper into trusting...loving and being loved...hoping to do the work He has assigned me too, and knowing confidently that He who has called me will fully equip and provide for the calling.

My sweet friend, Jodi, painted a picture on Trust, which has spoken great depths to me, so I'm including that and her website (http://www.JodiStyle.com) - go to it, buy stuff...SHE'S INCREDIBLE!!! What a picture of trust...a beautiful girl, hanging on and having a sweet guide keeping her company...I LOVE IT!!! I so felt this way today!

And for your inspiration...I went looking online for quotes on trust, but found few that were inspiring. Seems trust isn't a common thing these days, but I pray differently for all of us...
Frank Crane - You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough.
Henry David Thoreau - I think we may safely trust a good deal more than we do.
Indira Gandhi - You can't shake hands with a clenched fist. (so true...try it sometime, doesn't work!)
Walter Anderson - We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.

And my favorite and most inspiring woman: Mother Theresa of Calcutta - I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.

If you've ever felt that way, be encouraged...I am right there with you...knowing if God didn't trust me, I wouldn't be here and knowing that He placed me here to fully experience Him right now for whatever comes next!!

weekend in chiang mai...

With the King's coronation celebration weekend and getting two days off of school, Cece (another volunteer teacher and friend) and I headed to Chiang Mai to do whatever...no plans, no expectations...except that I would get as MUCH STARBUCKS as I could possibly fit into my system. That is really all I wanted to do.

It started with a short ride to the bus station from our neighborhood, where we bought our tickets ($3) on a non-air-conditioned bus (with fans but seats made crampt for Thais to fit in as many as possible). On the way we talked about everything. I tried to read as I have about three books to read each week (this week was Rime of the Ancient Mariner and other poems, Till We Have Faces, and The Great Gatsby). I was pretty focused as you can see in the picture.

As we were riding up and down the mountain passes as quickly as our bus would carry us, it got a bit too hard to read and I got a bit carsick or bus-sick. A boy in the row next to us started throwing up and kept throwing up for awhile. If you know me, I had to plug my ears and look out the other window so I didn't do the same. It was awful for him and for us having to listen (or trying not to), but these buses don't stop for anything, sometimes not even for wrecks.

Once we arrived, we got a ride into town and got out right in front of my paradise...Yes, Starbucks. I was so SO excited. We went in immediately instead of eating lunch and got a yummy holiday drink: Cece a Peppermint Mocha and me a Soy Toffee Nut latte...OH WOW!!! I sure missed good coffee.

As we settled down to chat for a bit, a male employee walked up to me and asked me in English, "Do you live in Chiang Mai?" I said, "No, I live in Chiang Rai." He said, "How many times you come to Chiang Mai?" I said, "This is my second time." He said, "I've seen you at the two other Starbucks. I like you. I remembered you." I said, "Yeah I think that weekend I went to both, because I used to work at Starbucks and I love it." He smiled big and walked off. Weird...I know!!

After chilling there for a bit, we went to check into a hotel, which ended up being in kind of a seedy part of town as we found later that night. We got changed to go to the huge market, which is about a mile long and five streets are involved crammed full of vendors, people begging for money, and so much more...it is an ADHD person's nightmare...you cannot think or concentrate...it is overwhelming. I will add a picture later of how crammed it was. It was like a solid river of people moving one way on one side of the street and the other on the opposite side. I bought a sweet lamp for my house upon returning to the states and enjoyed looking at the street art and hearing the musicians. It was incredible.

Since we were walking so much, we sat down to get a foot massage including oil and pressure points for only 60 baht, which is $2. It was for 30 minutes and was incredible until this man sat down with us and started talking. There was also an Israeli family getting massages for their three kids: a son about 12, a daughter about 7, and the youngest about 3 (which made quite a stir with her getting her feet massaged). Several Thais stopped to take pictures because she was so cute and smiled the entire time. It was less enjoyable as this man, who said he was from Papua New Guinea, but was a man of the world and had lived everywhere kept talking. He would have won an award for most stereotypes spewed out in a few minutes. But humorously, I kind of enjoyed it as I was reading The Great Gatsby, and he kind of reminded me of Jay Gatsby, the man that tells lots of great stories, but who knows for real what he is or who he is...a man of the world, a man about town...and a wee bit crazy!!

We took lots of pictures with the millions of yellow Thai lanterns put up to celebrate the King's birthday last week and the Coronation celebration this weekend. (As you can see, I am making the peace sign, which is totally a Thai thing for when they take pictures...haha!!) There was also a Thai's Christmas tree made of only lanterns as you can see. Absolutely beautiful...a fantastic weekend...not much rest, but lots of Starbucks (two more the next day...yahoo!!)

On our way back to our hotel that night, this is what we saw in the streets...not too uncommon I guess as we were the only ones taking pictures.


Blessings on you all as the Christmas holidays come around and you prepare for them and may the realization of who Jesus is to you be so real in this season!! He is the reason for everything!!

Let's set a watch...together!!

OK...I know that I am not the only one who wants to get free from sin...

SO, I'm suggesting we all work together. No, I don't mean, let's all put our sins on the web or something like that. But if we are a community, we can together set a watch for each other and pray for each other, interceding for each other, and being vigilant for each other.

"Nevertheless we made our prayer to our God, and because of them we set a watch against them day and night" (Nehemiah 4:9)

I do think there is something to exposing sin and bringing it into the light, so that it no longer lives in the shady places in our heart or lives. So I'm asking for your prayers as I seek to get out from under the sin of gluttony which has too long stolen my peace and joy. I am working to make the healthiest of choices for my life in regards to eating right and exercising. But it is a battle for me as this place in my life has forever as long as I have known it to be in the camp of my enemy.

NO LONGER...I am keeping vigilant watch over it and over my heart, and want whomever of you who wants to be in a watch together to join with me...

just let me know by email or response to this blog...

LOVE YOU ALL!!! if you want me in your watch, I'm here for that too!!!

Lovers' Leap...

At youth group Tuesday night, we played a game called Lovers' Leap where you walk in a circle and then someone yells "lovers leap (where one person jumps into another's arms), three to a boat (group of 3 and rowing), family of 4 (group of 4 posing) or hit the deck (where everyone falls to the floor)." It was a blast! Then we had worship led by a 15 year old high school girl, who is amazing and the gift of worship leading in her blows my grid!!! After I was up to talk and had this great talk and activity planned to help kids find their giftings.

However, during worship, I kept feeling like it wasn't that great after all, and I thought it might just be me doubting and the enemy attacking. I was ignoring it, but the feeling kept coming back. So I said, "Well, if that's not it for tonight, what is?" Then I heard, "Take the Lover's leap." I laughed inside and said, "Whatever." But then a sweet voice spoke saying, "Tell them what you are going through right now, this very day." "No way, I don't even know what I'm going through and how to solve it, let alone sharing my heart with 20 or so teenagers and a few people I don't even know...nope, not doing that. Plus I have that sweet thing already planned." But I couldn't fight it, so I tried as best to organize my thoughts and took the leap.

What came out felt to me like a donkey attempting to perform Shakespeare, but what the kids got was SUH-WEET!!! So in a more organized fashion, let me share with you what's been going on in my heart these past few days as I have been adjusting and re-adjusting to Thailand and living as a missionary...

I've realized that I don't trust God enough and I don't focus on Him enough in my day to day activities, which keep me ridiculously busy. Through a series of several devotions throughout the past few days, I've found a few commonalities...focusing on Jesus to get free from sin and to have life and life abundant, that if I don't focus on Jesus I will hold onto things that are not meant for me to keep, and if I look only at Him, I can totally encounter Him each day.

In C.S. Lewis' "The Weight of Glory," he says, "We are half-hearted creatures fooling about with drink and sex and ambition [and religious effort] when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea...we are far too easily pleased." As I shared this with a friend, she told me the story of a young girl who had a nice set of plastic pearls that were given her by her father. She wore them every day and they were definitely a treasure. One day before her father was going away on a journey, he asked her for the pearls and said he would bring her back something better. She had a choice to trust that he was good or keep the plastic ones that she had in her hand. Because of her past experiences, she knew her father to be good, so she gave them up willingly and got a sweet set of real and priceless pearls in exchange upon her father's return. It hit me as she told me this that I don't trust God enough that if I give up something like my future happiness or getting married one day that he will be good to me and give me something better than what I think is currently the best and is in my hand.

So I went deeper, which revealed that as a young girl, I gave up a lot, hoping to get something in return from my dad...promised a horse way too many times, promises made but almost always broken...trust given, but returned void...a hopeful girl's heart looking to be noticed, but ignored and feeling mocked. (I have forgiven my dad for this, but as each memory surfaces, more forgiveness is doled out on a loving but broken man whom I still dearly love). My relationship with my earthly dad reveals so much to me about my relationship with my heavenly Dad, however is no longer limited by that as my Heavenly Dad keeps revealing His sweet and loving heart to me, which in turn heals the brokenness left by my earthly dad.

The next day I got this email devotional of Henri Nouwen, and his last line said, "I will look expectantly towards God and in the waiting will encounter Him." It hit me finally how it all fits together...the focusing on Jesus, the trusting God to be good to me, the giving up what is in my hand for what is to come...

After speaking on all this, I totally felt like I fumbled through it but then we started praying for each other. I can only speak for my group of girls, but it was a SWEET time with Him. It opened the door for teens to talk about disappointment with God, which some never admit to but definitely have in their hearts. It opened the door for Jesus to come in and love on each of us. Afterwards, almost everyone there came up to me and said thanks for sharing what's really going on...not holding back...admitting to not having the answers...

Surprise, surprise, I don't have all the answers, but I'm willing to be His fool as I keep my eyes fixed on Him, who is the author and perfecter of my faith, who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, scorned its shame and sat down at the right hand of the Father.

Since taking the leap, it's been all good...

Just another day in Thailand...

A wee quick adventure tale from across the big blue...my roommate, Jessica, is now renting a car, called The Champ, and so we all three, Jess, Damaris, and I, went on our first car adventure to the Huay Mae Sai Waterfall, probably about 20 km away from our house. We all brought books to read, water to drink (as there is a hike prior to taking in the beauty of the waterfall), a snack, and our cameras to take snapshots.



We drive there pretty quickly, following the signs that are thankfully in English. The hike isn't too bad, and we are sitting quietly reading our books when a couple of Europeans come hiking up and take off their clothes and begin swimming in the waterfall (thankfully they had swimsuits on), then four thai boys probably between the ages of 15 and 20 do the same but without swimsuits...only boxers or tighty whities. They slid off the rocks into the water, they dove off the rocks into the water, and splashed about together while we were trying to read. It was a surreal experience.

Then we hiked down and started our drive home, but Damaris had this great idea to follow this one random sign to see if it would take us home quicker. I was hesitant, but up for an adventure. Jessica quickly drove off onto this dirt road and we were off for a 30 minute dirt road extravaganza which involved bushes and trees poking in the window at me, somewhat ruined roads by torrential rains, and coming to the end of what was not a quicker route home. Jessica turned the car around which involved Damaris getting out to help and then me getting out to push the car back over a ridge once Jessica went a little too far. All in all, a grand dirt road adventure.

Finally, we got back to the cement roads of civilization, made our way home, and are enjoying a nice slice of apple pie left over from Thanksgiving dinner and a cup of green tea. In an hour, we are getting dressed, heading downtown to the night bazaar to do some christmas shopping and getting some lebanese food for dinner.

just another day in Thailand...